What a Card!
June 7, 2005Dear person who buys greeting cards for my local supermarket,
I want to commend you on your unsurpassed brilliance and tremendous insight in understanding exactly what our greeting card needs will be. Earlier this evening, it was with utter amazement and stunned silence that I inspected your greeting card selection. Your diverse assortment of occassions boggled my brain. Here is only a small respresentative sample of the unique greeting cards I can choose from:
Graduation - from kindergarten, first grade, second grade, high school, college, teaching credential, MBA, and auto mechanic school. What, no Beauty School?
Father's Day - from the son, from the daughter, from the step-kids, from the wife, from the ex-wife, from the dog and from the cat. What, no parakeet?
Communion
Confirmation
Bar Mitvah - for your cousin's neighbor's friend. Oy! No, second cousin on your sister-in-law's side?
Dance Recital
US Citizenship
Lost Job
New Job
Condolences - Sorry about your loss. Sorry that stock you just bought recently tanked. Sorry about your divorce. Sorry about your ingrown toenail. Sorry about the STD I gave you.
What I found lacking was a simple "Miss You" card. You see, my son just went into the Army, and I wanted to send him a card saying I miss him. I figured there would be at least one or two, but the only one I saw was romantic in nature, and therefore inappropriate for me.
In the future, I will know exactly where to go if my vet's nephew's teacher's son is having a bar mitvah. In the meantime, I will be buying all my greeting cards at the car wash.
Sincerely yours,
Ms. Quilty
posted by Anita at
7:19 PM
3 comment(s):
OMG.
That person must have an enormous territory because I've seen the exact same assortment of cards in my neighbourhood.
It's scary to think more than one person could think those are good ideas. However I'm starting to think that the whole politically correct thing has spawned this plethora of greeting cards that people literally have to spend hours combing through to find a decent one. I like mine funny, and that seems to be politically incorrect, therefore harder to find.
I break into cold sweat at the thought of going to a Hallmark or Carlton cards store. It's so much easier just to make my own cards on inkjet these days then spend hours trolling the giant racks of cards in any of those stores. It used to be supermarkets were safe from all that and generic cards were easily found and bought. The times they are a changing and I don't like it.
By
Anonymous, at
10:54 PM
First, I love your cheeky argyle pattern. Second, greeting cards may indeed be the work of the devil. Get your son the "New Job," perhaps? Funny in a weird way?
By
Anonymous, at
5:17 AM
*has died of laughter*
I never can find appropriate cards for occasions because I get lost in the world of "Happy Grandparents' Day from Your Adopted Second Cousin" cards. I must confess, though, I buy my husband cards "from the cat(s)." And I sign them with little paw prints. I AM SICK.
By
Anonymous, at
8:28 PM
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